Breaking Free: Embracing Challenges and Realizing Potential with Mike Rokoski

Ever find yourself wondering how to break free from the norms and expectations of life? Yearning to escape from your comfort zone to pursue your dreams? Pull up a chair and join us for an eye-opening conversation with our guest, Mike Rokoski, a real-life example of an individual who dared to chart his own path and transform his life. 

From his early days in Pennsylvania to his decision to move to Wilmington, North Carolina, Mike defied the blue-collar path his family had tread and instead ventured into the world of real estate development, all while savoring a good small batch whiskey. His journey is a testament to the power of personal growth and the impact of stepping out of one's comfort zone. Mike doesn't just recount his journey, but digs deep into the concept of unrealized potential and the significant role it has played in shaping his life. We all have it, but do we recognize it? More importantly, do we utilize it?

As we follow Mike's narrative, we also explore the topic of overcoming limitations and the power of embracing challenges. We delve into an intriguing study on ownership and how our perceived flaws can actually be our greatest strengths. We round off our chat with Mike with a look at defining personal success, embracing challenges and following your dreams. So sit back, be prepared to question your own path, and join us on this transformative journey with Mike Rokoski.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:31

Welcome back to the whiskey and wisdom podcast, as per usual. As per usual, per usual.

Speaker 2: 0:38

That, yeah, sounds good to me, starting off great already.

Speaker 1: 0:43

Welcome back to the whiskey and wisdom podcast. You have a co-host who are always here. I'm Chris Kellum, I'm Tyler, y'all. This week we bring on someone I just met, like five minutes ago, but he's knows quite a few people who've been on the podcast and people who are coming on yeah.

Speaker 3: 1:01

Mike Rikoski lived in Wilmington since 1991 and I'll consider at home.

Speaker 1: 1:07

That's awesome. So he's been here longer than most people been alive.

Speaker 2: 1:12

I don't know about that.

Speaker 3: 1:18

That's perfect. More than most people have been alive, yeah.

Speaker 2: 1:21

I listen to the podcast that may be fair, but Happy birthday. I think this is the first time ever that we've had a podcast actually on someone's birthday. Yeah, out of the 95 podcasts that we've recorded to date, yeah, I'm super excited.

Speaker 3: 1:37

It's kind of that milestone day and get to talk about life and stuff with you guys, so it's it seems fitting.

Speaker 2: 1:44

Yeah, lives in the ether forever now, so you can always go back or remember this birthday.

Speaker 3: 1:48

That's right, thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:50

So, because it's your birthday, we let you pick out one of our whiskies. He picked out a larceny small batch. If you remember, this is one of the ones we had Back in the year, the early, early days, yeah but small batch is super classic as a classic bright new copper color. Aroma should be some fresh bread toffee, some butterscotch, and should have a buttery caramel and honey notes with a rich mouth, feel, feel. I guess in the last time we had it it was a riff on a mule.

Speaker 2: 2:22

Yeah, so it's the first time we're having it straight. It's quite tasty.

Speaker 1: 2:28

Oh very good that has a lot of flavor.

Speaker 2: 2:34

When it comes to bang for your buck, I don't. I don't know if there's many better ones out there. If any, absolutely yeah.

Speaker 1: 2:41

Yeah, it's a good one.

Speaker 2: 2:43

This is an easy one. You can go to the ABC store anytime, pick it up. You don't feel like you're breaking your bank, but you still get all the good flavors out of it. 100%.

Speaker 1: 2:50

Yeah, I always feel bad when everyone's like you have to get an allocated bottle of something, and I'm like you really don't know.

Speaker 3: 2:56

I mean it's largely you feel like you're stealing it.

Speaker 2: 2:58

Yeah right.

Speaker 1: 3:00

Exactly it's such a good one, but we're drinking on a little bit tells a little about yourself, so I grew up in Pennsylvania, Okay and what part outside Allentown okay, I'm.

Speaker 3: 3:12

Philadelphia Eastern Eastern.

Speaker 2: 3:14

I'm from Lancaster, pennsylvania. Oh yeah, I lived in Bluebell for a little while.

Speaker 3: 3:17

Oh yeah, as a kid with my dad. So I was born to a mom had me at 16. Yeah, and so super young parents don't remember a bad day in my childhood. I loved it. They were great parents, you super young but just very loving, and just enjoyed my childhood a great deal and Ended up in Wilmington because I worked for restaurant chains. I worked for Perkins restaurants and they asked me if I would relocate to the Carolinas and I helped to open the one that used to be on College Road.

Speaker 3: 3:45

Oh yeah, so that's what originally brought me to Wilmington.

Speaker 1: 3:48

I miss that place.

Speaker 3: 3:49

It's so good and.

Speaker 3: 3:51

I did that for quite a while, yeah and so when I was growing up, I I love my family, but I didn't want to be anything like them. Yeah, you know, I mean you have those those days where I think at some point in life you decide that you have to be an architect of your own life and right, very blue collar. I loved my grandfather but didn't have a lot of respect for him. He bragged about how he would sleep in his golf card and the Union would protect him and he'd earned double time and all these things, and you know.

Speaker 3: 4:17

So I got a call when I was about 19, 20 years old, when I was working for Perkins, and said hey, would you like to relocate to the Carolinas? And I thought, you know, family smokes, they don't exercise, they live paycheck to paycheck. They again, wonderful people. Yeah, right, at some point you decide you want to take a different path. Yeah, and so I jumped on it. I was like, yes, absolutely get me out of getting kind of sucked into this poverty mentality and and I ended up in Wilmington and I've never looked back.

Speaker 3: 4:49

I love this town and and I love the water, I love the beach, I love the people, I love the South. Yeah, friendliness was really contrasting to where I grew up really with strangers.

Speaker 2: 5:05

You know.

Speaker 3: 5:05

I mean I did the loop for the first time. If people say good morning to me, I'm like why?

Speaker 2: 5:09

are you talking to me?

Speaker 3: 5:15

It's just, it's just a great spot.

Speaker 2: 5:17

I love it. So to go back a little bit, when did you notice like, hey, this isn't how I want to live? To the rest of 12, 12 years old? Yeah, my dad actually grew up very similar to how you described there too, and he said there was a point where he went to. He used to wrestle and he went to a wrestling buddies house of his and his buddies house was massive and he was like Not everyone lives in the projects, yep, and like kind of found out that way. So like what was that? That moment? At 12 years old, you're like this this needs to change.

Speaker 3: 5:46

So it's so distinctive for me. So I came home one day from school and I had some friends similar they well, they live a little bit different and I was talking about college. My grandfather was there and my grandmother and again. I love them and they were doing the best they could, but I started talking about college and my grandfather said why the hell would you ever go to college?

Speaker 3: 6:07

And I said, yeah. He said well, you, I can get you a job at the plant sweeping floors for 20 bucks an hour Soon as you graduate from high school, and he would brag about literally sleeping in the golf cart earning double time, can spit in his boss's face and never get fired. And Something clicked inside of me and and I honestly what I said at that point is I want to figure out, be the owner and CEO and fire all you thieves.

Speaker 3: 6:32

Right, I mean, this is not right, this is, you know, the how can we figure out how to take from someone instead of add value, right, right, and so it was about I was 12 years old and I kind of went on this journey of I want something different. And you know, I watched some Infomercials at night and there was this one on how to invest in real estate with no money down, and I, you know, I was shoveling sidewalks, cleaning off cars, mowing lawns, and, you know, in some cases I probably had more cash than most of my family members stashed at 12. Yeah, and I realized this is not. You know, I don't want to go this way, I want to go the way I'm going. And so I subscribed to that. I started listening to Tony Rob's start, listening to personal development stuff. I started reading and it just kind of led me on that path. And and then the second kind of I, not, not, I want to go on this different path.

Speaker 3: 7:25

Right, right, happened about 12, leaving that area happened Right about 18. Okay, and I had a friend of mine whose mom was a realtor, and she calls me and our over at her house With my buddy, tony, and she's a realtor, and she's like, hey, I'm getting realist, this little row home. 38,000 bucks, I will gift you the other half of the commission as your 3% down and you can buy this. You know, fha loan. Here's how it works. I'm so excited. 38,000 bucks, you know, I've got a good salary with Perkins right and and I can qualify for it.

Speaker 3: 7:59

She sent me over the lender. I'm so excited to go home. And I think a lot of times people that are closest to you React when you're advancing yes, and they pull you back because they are so disappointed in all the things that they never did with their own life. Yeah, and that was that moment at 18. So I tell them I'm so excited, I'm under contract in house. You know, I tell the story. You would have thought I kicked a baby. Literally. You're gonna ruin your life. Oh, my god, how are you buying investment property? 18? You're gonna ruin your life. And that was about the same time I got that call right from.

Speaker 3: 8:34

Perkins to say, hey, would you consider relocating the North Carolina? And so I thought, you know, if I don't get out of here, if I don't leave this area, if I don't, you know because I love them and I don't want to look them in the face every day and say I don't want to be anything like you, right, yeah, my grandfather, I love my mom, I love my dad, that's not about them, yeah, but generally that feel of that area, right. And so I terminated the contract on that. I accepted the relocation they paid for me to come down first to Charlotte and then ultimately to Wilmington, and I never looked back, oh, wow.

Speaker 1: 9:08

Yeah. So I have a question because I love me some Perkins.

Speaker 2: 9:14

I knew we were going down the food route.

Speaker 1: 9:16

We can do it. No, because they did have some of the best chicken tendies back in the day that is fair? Did you work with them up until they closed down the shops down here, or did you start diversifying while you were with them still?

Speaker 3: 9:29

Yeah, so I was. You know it's a 24-day restaurant. I'm in management, I'm single, I'm looking around, I'm going. Hey, I don't think I really want to raise a family in this.

Speaker 1: 9:39

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 9:40

And you know, we'll talk a little bit about like the three things that I asked, three questions I ask myself every day. While it was a strength of mine, like I was really good at it, it wasn't my gift to the world, right? My gift to the world wasn't to create restaurants and feed people, it was something different. And you know, now I have a passion for the power of ownership that drives me. That's a gift. I have a passion for longevity, health and those sorts of things and I kind of look back and I was like you know, I really I really don't want to do this, so I better leave it before I get sucked into it. You know, making good money and you know I think that's the most dangerous place you can be is comfortable right.

Speaker 3: 10:22

Not advancing just a comfortable. And I was comfortable and I was making good money, but it wasn't. It wasn't me, it wasn't where I wanted to go with my life. So I resigned from management in that and I went to Alpac and started waiting tables tonight and I registered as a nontraditional student at UNCW.

Speaker 2: 10:40

Oh, wow, okay.

Speaker 1: 10:41

Yeah, so you went to college breaking away from what your granddad was like. Why are you going to do this Exactly? What'd you go to school for?

Speaker 3: 10:49

So I was. I was going to school for finance and political science, Okay, I was waiting tables at Alpac and I waited on this couple and and actually she called me earlier today to wish me a happy birthday. She's like a second mom and mentor to me now, but I'm waiting on them.

Speaker 3: 11:04

And she said what are you doing? We just had this connection right. And she said I said I'm going to UNCW for finance political science. And she said give me a business card. She said my, my business is all about politics and money. Give me a call. So the next day I called her and I went in and talked to her and she owned a mortgage company.

Speaker 2: 11:22

Okay.

Speaker 3: 11:23

And she showed me the chart of how the pricing works in the mortgage business and explain how commissions worked. She said you can work during the day. I'll personally mentor you. You can keep your job at night. It's fully commissioned and I'm thinking all right, I'm going to college to get a job like this. Yes, right. So I dropped all my classes in the dropout period. I took the job and it was in. I took the job in September. I started in October. I never looked back. I ended up running the company.

Speaker 2: 12:19

Oh wow, that's incredible Awesome.

Speaker 3: 12:21

It evolved from mortgage into real estate, real estate development and the things I kind of do today, and it was just an amazing opportunity from an amazing lady that really kind of helped me to, I think, realize what I already knew was in me but gave me this amazing opportunity.

Speaker 1: 12:41

I love to hear that. That's why, like, when you originally say like politics and finance I don't originally think of mortgage I was thinking you were going to be like oh yeah, she ran like some something that funded like politicians, like some big money fund and I think that's actually kind of cool. Like because when you mention certain things about going to school and college and just learning, people automatically think of one thing, and I'm glad that you at least opened my mind I didn't think that was an option.

Speaker 3: 13:13

Yeah, it was super cool and her and her husband were just like literally a second set of parents to me. Her sons became like brothers and we ended up growing that company. She sold it to a bank that bought out and then I ended up for a little while working for the bank. So and then again continue to evolve and then probably in it was around 2000 that I ended up being completely self-employed. I resigned from the bank and just kind of went off on my own, and I've been that way ever since.

Speaker 2: 13:42

Yeah, so you go out on your own in 2000. Did the tech bubble affect you then in that sense, or nothing like that?

Speaker 3: 13:50

No, not really. I've been a real estate guy most of my life and so I didn't really have a lot of investments in that. I didn't invest money in that. And what happened in the tech bubble, generally speaking, is when the stock market is in turmoil, the Fed lowers interest rates to stimulate the economy which benefits mortgage business and real estate. So yeah, and actually those types of turmoil kind of benefited me in that role, not hurt me very much.

Speaker 2: 14:20

Oh, that's great. Yeah, not at all. So, in your capacity now, what are you mostly focusing on?

Speaker 3: 14:25

So I have a couple of businesses Rikoski Realty Group and we market neighborhoods for some of the best builders in town Okay, got a great team and love doing that. And we have a development business, impact Development and we buy land and develop neighborhoods. And then I'm partners with somebody else that's been on your podcast with a home care business called Synergy Home Care and that helps people stay in their houses longer. That might need a little bit of assistance and that goes to that. You know, when I said what's your major transformational purpose is the power of homeownership. Most of our neighborhoods are entry level blue collar kind of neighborhoods which is my passion.

Speaker 3: 15:04

I'm not doing big golf course developments or high rise condos or anything like that, because that doesn't kind of fit my purpose. My gift and then the longevity thing is people live longer when they're in their homes and they get to stay in there longer, and my partner that runs that business is just passionate about that and I'm blessed to be able to be partners with him and have that business which we're just launching. So that's kind of where I spend my time.

Speaker 2: 15:28

That's awesome, yeah. So what I do on my day to day runs very similar with the home health care. So the way that we do it is through long-term care insurance and helping people who don't think that they can afford to stay in their homes to be able to afford to stay in their homes and not have to be shuttled out to wherever the state wants you to go. So it's really neat kind of having that. It's like talking to TJ with that too and just kind of seeing where the similarities lie and like where possibly that I can help when someone gets to that point Because what can I do? And now it's all future thinking. So like seeing it through the lens of someone else who's in that side, is really eye-opening to me too, because we don't really get to that part too often and when we do, the life expectancy is significantly shorter, unfortunately.

Speaker 3: 16:16

It is, and TJ tells that great story about his own mom and the ability that she had to stay in her home right. Unfortunately, right to the end, it is a difference maker, right? Absolutely. So what I think we try to do, or what I try to do, is whatever I decide to spend my time on or invest money in, is it going to make a real difference? Is it not just about making money, right? And that's okay, like making money is fine.

Speaker 3: 16:45

Because you could make a difference with it. But it shouldn't be only about that, and so that's where we really try to focus and lead in those areas. And I follow a guy, brendan Burchard, who's a fantastic guy and we do some coaching with Himmen. He caused a mortality motivation, right. He was in this horrible car wreck and he asked himself three questions. And you know, did I live, did I love and did I matter? And was in a coaching event with him and this kind of transformed my life a good bit. And he said not in this esoteric sense. Right, we get these advice or we read a quote and most people convert that to this big esoteric kind of thing. But it's like did I live today, did I love today and did I matter today? Right, and everybody's got three different questions. But in one of these events it's like what are your three questions? Right?

Speaker 3: 17:42

And we talked about stagnation, and to me that's more dangerous. Right Is stagnation. We all know the family, the 10 years perfect, the retirement account, the house, the picket fence, the sport utility vehicle, and all of a sudden somebody has an affair. They blow their life up. Well, when you don't feel like you're advancing, like as humans were designed to advance. So if we don't have challenges, life will throw them at us if we don't greet them for ourselves, right? So my three questions became was I advancing today? Right, did I do something to advance myself with this physically, mentally, professionally, psychologically any of those things Did I advance today? Did I live gift driven? Did I spend time in my gifts not necessarily strengths, and I think those are two different things and was I inspiring to those around me? And not in an esoteric sense, but like today, did I do those three things today? And it's not always yes, right, it's not always yes. Sometimes I'm like I didn't do any of those three things today.

Speaker 3: 18:49

I need to go to bed and get better tomorrow, but I think if you can answer those three questions or for your listeners, like what are your three questions? Right is like ask those, like think about that, and it's an amazing kind of transformation and so that really drives me on a daily basis.

Speaker 2: 19:10

That's really neat, and we brought on coach Reggie a few months back too, and he really helps small business owners and business owners grow their business as well, and one of the things we talked about was the importance of having a coach. So, going back to Brendan and, for me, ben Newman, what's really cool is actually gonna go see both of them at the same time, so two of the top five speakers and all of the United States, which is really neat.

Speaker 3: 19:32

Well, and that same one and my let's gonna be at the three of the five which that his questions and his story are just amazing relative to his. He's got a great, great story about having this dream when he was young and broke right.

Speaker 3: 19:49

And if you know this story, he had this dream where he died and went to heaven and he ends up in heaven and he's going through and let's call it, st Peter's there and this other guy's there and he's talking to St Peter and he's like, well, at least I made it here, right. But he doesn't know who this other guy is. So he's like it kind of looks familiar, but I don't really know who he is. And he asked St Peter, excuse me, but who's that guy? And he said, well, that was you. If you would have lived up to all the potential that was inside of you. And he said, I looked nothing like that guy. And he woke up from that dream and I have his quote in my office his chase down the man you were meant to be, and so there, and that's my definition, not in a clinical way, right.

Speaker 3: 20:38

My definition of anxiety and depression is unrealized potential.

Speaker 3: 20:43

When you look in the mirror every day and you know you have so much more in you and you're like, why did I do that again, right, why didn't I do and keep the promises I made to myself again? And that compound effect, which is also a great book by Darren Hardy, but that compound effect creates this anxiety and depression, because you know you have so much more in you and so I get a lot of grief not grief in a bad way, but I say things to people to challenge them in a lot of ways from a caring and loving perspective, and I get away with it because I think they realize I'm doing that. But, like I think that's one of my gifts is, I will push people into going. Are you looking in the mirror? Are you advancing? Are you chasing down the person? You were meant to be? Right, because you have so much more in you and we all do right, we all have so much more in us. And when we look in the mirror, do you wanna be proud or do you wanna be regretful?

Speaker 3: 21:41

And you know you're gonna be regretful someday, so I mean everybody's got it. If you say you're not, you're not human or you're a liar right. But it's just a great mindset to start to adopt.

Speaker 1: 21:55

So you're very motivating to me, just in general, sitting here talking. My question is I've noticed, because we've been doing this for almost two years now and the people who I feel like have progressed the most from just like their stagnation point in life have all been one to one found a coach and to read good books. So my question for you right now would be one, do you have coaches? If so, if you wanna shout them out or what do they coach you on? And two, what was the first book that you picked up? That was like, all right, let's go.

Speaker 3: 22:35

So from that I said it was 12, right, it was 12 years old. So Tony Robbins, right, I actually just saw him in England in July and Unleashed Power then. But the first book I read that made a difference and I wish I could remember who turned me onto it. But I've read this book every single year, cover to cover, at least once since I was 12 years old, thinking Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, right, and it's a law of attraction, mindset kind of book. And so that was the first one. And then I was kind of coming into this desire to be different, desire to grow, desire to contribute and be different from all of the kind of the people around me. And Tony Robbins was just coming on the scene. So I've really read everything he's ever written. And then more recently, on longevity side, he's written Life Forged by.

Speaker 3: 23:29

Peter Diamandis, who we talked about books and stuff bold by Peter Diamandis. There's so many. I mean I could talk about books for an hour alone. I have literally people that know me. They're like hey, send me the list and it's my recommended books and podcast list.

Speaker 3: 23:47

Like I have one like a live document. I'm like, oh my God, I gotta add this. This is better than that, that's out. I believe the quality of your life is based on the quality of your inputs, right, what you see, what you listen to, who you talk to, like what you allow in food, all of those things determine the quality of your life on a compound basis, on a daily basis. And so we can watch the murder mysteries and we can read all this other stuff. But if we kind of make a conscious decision, that compound effect really does change your life.

Speaker 2: 24:22

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I was gonna touch on something that you mentioned before too, like the exponential growth part of it, too, and not being stagnant and everything. That's actually kind of how I got on my growth journey as well, too, and got set up with Ben Newman is right before I had my first son, I was kind of looking at my life, just kind of taking a step back, just kind of analyzing hey, where am I at now? There's a really big change that's coming up, like what's going on here, cause I feel like I should be happier. I feel like there's something I'm missing, and I realized that all of the small goals that I had set for myself I had hit and I'm going.

Speaker 2: 25:01

This is what's wrong is that I'm not striving for anything right now. I've come into a complacency. I'm just doing the motions over and over again. I'm creating random problems to be in my life, cause people need some type of conflict, like what you said, and like what do I need to do now? And I don't know if my phone was listening to my thoughts or whatever the case may be as they do.

Speaker 3: 25:22

Oh, they're always listening.

Speaker 2: 25:24

But then I saw Ben Newman's thing, came up with his mental toughness forum and very similar because they all run in the same group. So they have like a similar but different message that they all put together. But just his message of like, hey, what's your standard to life? Like what makes you happy every day, and not that like eating chocolate cake makes you happy every day, but what genuinely is like pushing you to be the best version of yourself. And then that's when I saw Edmile. I have that same quote in my office as well too.

Speaker 2: 25:54

That's awesome Cause. That was the one thing like I started crying. To be honest with you, when I first heard that Cause I was like it hit home and it hit home right when it needed to hit home. So I wrote it down and put it in my office and that's where it stays today. So like it's really cool kind of hearing that same story from someone else.

Speaker 3: 26:11

Yeah, it's super cool. So there's three ways to live life, essentially, that you can distill it down, the three C's You're either live a caged life, right, where everybody else tells you what to do and you just accept it and you're caged. You live a comfortable life where you're not really advancing, you're comfortable, you're right there. Or you live a challenged life and creating meaningful challenges for yourself that triathlon, that marathon, that additional language, that, whatever it is, and what I think is interesting in my own life that I've experienced and I'm blessed to be where I am today. If you don't create those meaningful challenges for yourself, life throws out challenges to you that you have no control over what they are. But it's amazing when you have created your own meaningful challenges, so much of the rest of your life gets better and doesn't create challenges you don't wanna handle, you just kinda handle it and it's pretty fascinating and it really as mindset is everything.

Speaker 3: 27:13

Words matter. I'm not a big fan of self-deprecation, because it's just not good. You shouldn't speak poorly of yourself or others around you, because that self-talk makes a huge difference in your life. And I said that and they're like oh, I was just kidding. I was like yeah, do you know how many comedians that were self-deprecating committed suicide.

Speaker 3: 27:35

Yeah, right, I mean, words matter Like day after day, rich, famous on stage out there, all the money they could have, all the women or men they wanted or whatever their preference was Right, and they still hated their life, because it's every day they made fun of themselves, right, and those little things make a long-term compound effect difference in your life. So I do challenge those around me. When they say stuff like that, they know I didn't mean that. Right, I didn't mean it. Because they know I'm gonna be like don't talk like that, don't talk. If you wanna talk like that, not around me, that's okay, yeah, but don't do that around me because I'm gonna call you out. And it makes such a difference to live that challenged life and it's so exhilarating to be able to do that.

Speaker 2: 28:23

I'm glad you brought that up too, because it's something else I wanted to say. The very first time I officially met you was with Catherine and TJ and a few other people at the restaurant, and you said something that like I kind of knew it like in concept, but hearing it like from you and an actual like quote made the most difference to me. And what I enjoy that you do is you don't love people into a lower level, and that was something you said don't allow people around you to love you into a lower level. And that was super impactful and, again, one of those things I needed to hear at that moment in my time. So, like, I appreciate you saying that it just it really resonates and I think it resonates for a lot of people once they wrap their mind around that.

Speaker 3: 29:06

Yeah, cause, and again, not taking away. A lot of people that are closest to you will love you into a lower level and they will, oh, just slow down a little bit. Oh, you, just, you just need to slow down. Well, you know you need to be a little bit more balanced. Well, do you know what a balanced scale says? Zero, it means you're doing nothing right and so, and you can respectfully fire people that think they're an architect of your life without even telling them right. You can just thank you so much, I appreciate that, but not listen at all. And people will love you in their lower level. Friends will do it, family will do it, and if you're consciously aware of it, then you just kind of get to block that out and just do your thing. One of the most amazing studies I have the impact of my life. When I read it and I understood it, it was the biggest like jump in the deep end of the cold pool, wake up study.

Speaker 3: 30:08

So they recruited a bunch of people to come to a job fair and they set them in a separate room and they said, hey, we wanna see if there's a discriminatory event, if you have a scar, right, if you have a visible scar. So they had makeup artists and they painted. Makeup artists painted a scar on people and they said now this is a real job. Fair, the interviewers and the companies have no idea that we're doing a study and that you're not a real candidate. So they had real resumes and they really were going into a job interview. So they painted it. They showed them in the mirror the scar, and then, right before and it takes a while to paint a scar on to make it look real. So it's like a couple of hours right before they go into the interview they got a touch up of the scar and they went into the interview.

Speaker 3: 31:01

Here's what was the most impactful thing about how we think as humans. That came out of that for me. And they come back and here's what was amazing how many people said my scar? Right, they owned something that was placed on them so fast and took ownership of it, which we all do sometimes, right? We let other people give us something that we then accept. That's a flaw. That's not even real. It's not even really there, right?

Speaker 3: 31:34

And the reports of discrimination were off the charts. Oh, I know this question was because I had a scar. Here's what's interesting they held the mirror up and the touch up was they removed the scar. It was never actually there, and the lesson for me and that is one, how fast we own things we don't need to own that deter us from advancing. And second is we find what we look for, right. They were looking for discrimination because they had a scar that never even existed anymore, and when they showed the mirror, people were flabbergasted no, and they were still sure that it was quote their scar that caused discrimination, and it wasn't even there. Wow, how many of us go through life like that, right, yeah, and so this, having a little bit of a conscious awareness of that thought process can make the biggest difference in the world to you and those around you.

Speaker 2: 32:35

Yeah, to that point too. I mean to not sound too cheesy, but like how many people walk around right now not with a scar on their face, but a scar on their heart, right, and they just walk around with that burden all the time, when that it was never there is. Anyway, to your point.

Speaker 3: 32:50

Yeah, it wasn't. It was something somebody else put on you, or how many of that is really that? That event, whatever it was, is actually your superpower, right? I was talking to my mom about this and you know, again, she was pregnant, had me at 16 years old, and to some that's a scar, right, that's a failure, but my mom is one of the most nurturing, loving and caring people, so I'm like you need to talk to other pregnant teen girls.

Speaker 3: 33:20

Like you better than anybody can relate. So in many cases you have to take whatever it was right. I moved probably I don't know 15 times when I was a kid through school. I have an ability to relate quickly, make friends quickly. Because of that, right, I could be angry about it. I could look at kids that graduated all together and spent every year of school together, or I could go, wow, that's my superpower. And so many people take what is the scar? Right, that's real, not diminishing the reality that there's challenges, but it's their superpower and they don't use it right. And so I think you can. You can convert those real scars. One what baggage are you carrying? That's not real. That somebody else gave you? Yeah, right, it's like an email inbox, it's. It's other people's priorities, right? If you don't turn the notifications off and you just focus on what you want to focus on, you're just reacting to other people's priorities. So many of us put backpacks on every day that have other people's scars, other people's weight and it's not even yours, right?

Speaker 3: 34:34

So my my challenge to people around me is drop that backpack, look in the mirror, get understanding of it, get rid of it. And then what are your three questions that you want to ask yourself every day, that you can become all that you really are, and it's amazing how fast those feelings of depression, those feelings of anxiety, those feelings of lack and and and to a certain degree, I do have the resiliency to not care if anybody else comes along. Yeah, and it's hard to watch the loved ones not want to come along, because you just want them to right.

Speaker 1: 35:11

You want them to get it.

Speaker 3: 35:12

You want them to get it and and someone never gonna get it, and that's okay.

Speaker 2: 35:17

That was a very hard lesson for me to learn. When I was graduating high school, there was a friend of mine who I saw just a ton of potential and I just kneeled like all right, you need to move down to Wilmington with me, just get away from everyone else where you're from. Like, get out of the friend zone. Like let's, let's just go down here together and let's just kill it, let's go, and just couldn't get out of her own way and didn't want to do it. And just every excuse that possible could come up came up, even if it was just like a false excuse, that just like oh well, it's like it's Tuesday today. I don't like to make that decision on. Like, whatever the case may be, and that was the hardest thing seeing with someone with so much potential to be able to say like hey, if you can't help yourself, I can't help you. And like it hurts to be able to do that, but at some point you have to put down the baggage of someone else and take, take you and go on your own way.

Speaker 3: 36:10

Yeah, and when you fly they say you got to put your own oxygen mask on first right. You can't help anybody else if you're passed out right, I think when you're the brightest light, other people will flock towards you. But if you dim yourself until you can try to get them to come along, then you both kind of just do this struggle all your life.

Speaker 3: 36:34

And then you turn around Like I say this about home ownership today and you know, I've never heard an interview or talked to somebody in their 70s or 80s on their deathbed and late in life that ever, ever, ever said I wish I'm going to move slower, I wish I would have waited longer. 100% of them say man, I wish I would have done that sooner, I wish I would have bought the house faster, I wish I would ask that lady to marry me quicker. I wish I would have said yes to the guy quicker. Whatever, it is Right.

Speaker 3: 37:04

Nobody late in life ever says they wish they would have moved slower and regrets that right, they wish they would have moved faster, they wish they would have made that, they wish they would have jumped and done things that they then regret later. So I think it's, I'm hopeful that the people listening to this and it motivates me like jump in, do it right. If it's on your heart, you know, go for it, because we live in it, we live in a and it's funny, there's, you know. You watch the media and the one word I cannot stand is unprecedented.

Speaker 3: 37:43

Nothing going on today is unprecedented, by the way, right? Climate change. There have been hurricanes for hundreds and hundreds of years. You talk about ones that hit Texas, that killed thousands of people. You talk about the Palestinian or Israeli conflict. You talk, I mean, think about what we went through in the 40s and 50s and 60s, and World War II, and segregation, and all of these things we're not living. What's unprecedented is how fast it gets reported.

Speaker 3: 38:12

It's not the actions, right? Yes, and so you can come up with all these excuses, but we're not in unprecedented times, right? I mean, there are some things that you are challenging, for sure, and I don't diminish those, but none of those have to pause you from living life. None of those have to pause you from living in your gifts. None of those have to pause you, as Steve Jobs said, or what are you going to do to make a dent in the universe? And that dent in the universe might be? I'm going to be the best mom ever, right? I'm going to create, I'm going to be the neo of my family and change my family's line. It doesn't need to be this massive thing, but what is it Like? What is it that jazzes you up? That wakes you up in the morning without a alarm and that may be the 5k, that may be people doing the half marathon or the half Iron man tomorrow, like whatever it is. Just pick it and go for it and stop coming up with all the excuses and stop letting people love you and no love. Oh, you don't need to do that, you're already in good shape. I love I mean not I love people that say I don't understand why it's all the skinny people that keep running yes, exactly, exactly, right. I mean you know it's like. It's like you're gonna get some results if you do it and just live life right. It's so amazing, and particularly in this area, I mean we live. We live in an amazing place that literally I try to do the beach every morning and watch the sunrise or get up early and I'm an early riser by nature.

Speaker 3: 39:48

That doesn't mean the people that don't get up early aren't successful. I don't subscribe to that. I do think that you should have a sacred start to your day, right? If it's 10 minutes or 2 hours, like, come up with a sacred start, whether that's, I'm gonna read this, I'm gonna meditate, I'm gonna pray. If you're faithful, like whatever it is like, come up with a sacred start. If that's 9 am or 4 am, it doesn't matter, but I do think you really have the ability to charge yourself for the day by having a sacred start.

Speaker 3: 40:17

Part of that is watching that and I really reflect how few people are out at the beach in the morning. You're gonna walk with a cup of coffee or going for a jog or whatever it is. There are people that save for two years, three years, four years for the privilege of coming to this area on a vacation. Yeah, and so I challenge everybody to go. Just stop. And again going back to that scar question, right, or that scar story you seek what you look for, right. Look around at the amazing area and the amazing ability to live life here and Just start enjoying it more.

Speaker 2: 40:56

Mm-hmm, that's a story that I've been telling people recently too. So my son's three and he came up to us a few months ago and was like, daddy, I want to go to the beach and it it took me back, not because like I was too busy to take him to the beach or we didn't make sense at that moment, but it took me back because I grew up in Amish country, pennsylvania. I went to the beach for five days out of the whole entire year, once a year. And For him to say that to me, I'm like we can't go to they, but we'll go tomorrow, bud, and just be like, oh my gosh, I can take him to the beach any day of the week. That I want some right down, and it makes you take a step back. Be like, okay, I need to be grateful. What's right in front of me now?

Speaker 3: 41:38

Yeah, and it doesn't. And and you didn't go to the beach, you went to the shore. We went down to the shore For all the Yankees listening to this. The podcast.

Speaker 3: 41:53

You'll know that but but yeah, and I have a daughter I've been blessed to. She's 19. She's gonna be 20 early next year for sophomore at UNCW, and I'm blessed to be a single dad raising her for a long time, and you know that's. It's a similar thing. This, this, I hope, and I challenge people to get back that childlike wonderment, right? I think the best people I know Still dream as adults. No, they still have this wonderment. They still make Stupid jokes and corny jokes and those sorts of things. And it's just like who you want to be around, right? And then you have the Old codgers, right? Yeah, I've met 30 year olds that act older than 70 year olds.

Speaker 3: 42:40

Oh, my oh yeah, you know it's just crazy and so, but yeah, the kid thing will change your worlds. Oh yeah, and Greatest blessing of my life is to be a parent and it's so. It's so fun to watch that. I'm so excited for you at three, three years old.

Speaker 3: 42:59

It just keeps getting better, by the way that's good, no, thank you and and it, and one of the one of my kind of pet peeves was when, when parents and I think they say it out of endearment Is. I wish you were still Right. How many, how many? We've all heard it right.

Speaker 3: 43:14

Oh I just, I wish you To me what a kid hears is so you don't like me. Now, yeah, they don't, they don't. They don't translate that, and so it. It literally keeps getting better, like when they, when you can start to speak with them, right, and when they're reversed in the car seat, in the back seat, and now it goes forward. This is so good, I can see when they're every mirror, and then when they get to sit in the front seat with you, and then when I get like every and and now they're driving and you're sitting in the passenger, like it's such an exciting and wonderful and it literally just keeps getting better.

Speaker 2: 43:48

That's me. Thank you so much for sharing that, because too many times kind of back to what you were saying before is you talk to other parents and they're like, yep, just a whole new set of challenges. And you're just like I mean, I guess that's life.

Speaker 1: 44:01

But I mean, every day is going to bring you a new challenge, right?

Speaker 3: 44:05

Yeah, I think it depends what you look for. If you're excited because you're alive, like us, you know what it was. It was great. I was at a seminar with, actually with Brendan brishard who that's my coach, by the way like that's, that's a lead coach for me, and but he, this guy, stood up and he was interviewing. He says I just, I just want to be Like, I just don't want to stress, and he just looked at me. So you want to be dead Right? I mean, a stress-free life is you're dead right. If you have an expectation, that's a faulty expectation, like we create these expectations that guarantee failure. So you look in the mirror like I failed today because I had stress. What are you talking about Right? Oh, I'm a parent and my kid wasn't perfect, so I'm a horrible parent and parenting sucks. What are you talking about Right? And? And parenting is exciting because it's so Different every day and if your mindset is embrace it right.

Speaker 3: 45:01

It's kind of like relationships as well, marriages, girlfriends, boyfriends, like. If you embrace those differences and challenges and you start to see Not the scars but the excitement of it all, what a difference, yeah, that it gets to make in your life.

Speaker 1: 45:18

I love that. So I got my one of my last questions for you. What I mean? We talked about a lot of things that you've done in your past and what you're doing currently, but what would success look like for you?

Speaker 3: 45:32

I think challenging people around me to be all that they can be Makes me feel successful.

Speaker 1: 45:41

I think.

Speaker 3: 45:42

I think that that would be how I would define success. It would be To be that shining light, to be that person that people go. You know what? I think I'm a little bit better Because of my interactions with Mike, and, and if I, if, if there's just a handful of people that get to say that, you know, I think I can lay my head on the pillow at night. I asked those three questions right, was I inspiring to those around me? Did I live gift driven? And was I advancing? And if, most of the time I can answer yes to one or all three of those questions and sometimes there's gonna be days where it's a no on all of them, yeah, but, but I think that's what that? That would make me feel like I've, you know, kind of contributed to the world and to the people around me.

Speaker 2: 46:29

Yeah, and so my final question, to build off of that if you were to tell your younger self one thing, what would it be?

Speaker 3: 46:36

Don't wait, I love it. Go for it right. Don't Don't talk yourself out of your dreams. I think most people, to borrow a NASCAR term Add their own restrictor plate, that that doesn't even need to be added to their lives, and don't let people love you into a lower level. Don't love them less because they don't have the insight you have, right, but you don't have to shrink Because they don't. So my advice to my younger self would be go for it and don't Don't even restrict yourself, because Literally everything is right in front of you and in the world, in life, and you can truly be the neo of your family.

Speaker 3: 47:18

You can make that difference. To borrow a term from that movie, the matrix, yeah right, I'm borrowing the term for the matrix, but like I, I'm the neo of my life financially.

Speaker 3: 47:30

I think my daughter's the neo of our family educationally, like she's going for a master's degree in finance and once I'm going to law school. You know I didn't do any of that stuff I you know I'm blessed to be able to hire people like that that I need. But you know you can. You can be the neo of your family's line. Whether you're 10, 20 or 80. You can make a difference today in your mindset and in the way you get to influence the way that your family thinks going forward. That's great.

Speaker 1: 48:04

Oh, I love that, yeah, so my actual last question is Do you have social media and can people like follow you or figure out how to use your, your insights on Getting a house? You know growing, staying in their house a little bit longer if they're older.

Speaker 3: 48:20

Yeah, so I'm at mj roko ski. I'm a guy for instagram, yeah, and I'm not super social media Guy. I probably need to get better at it. But if you message me on that, I'll respond. And, yeah, I love helping people either. Get into home ownership I've got an amazing team. Build wealth through investment. Retire a little more comfortably with positive cash flow from investment property. If it's synergy, if you have a family member or anybody that needs some home care, with people that truly are passionate about that and aren't just out to make a dollar right and, and you know, certainly Making a profit is is good for the economy and for everybody. But we, we do it from our hearts first and then we understand business.

Speaker 3: 49:08

So, yeah, at mj roko ski Would be a great place to message me.

Speaker 2: 49:13

All right, well, thank you so much for coming on. I greatly appreciate it, and happy birthday, so I hope this was good enough. Thank you so much.

Speaker 3: 49:19

Now, it was awesome. I appreciate it so much and thanks for having me and thanks for the larceny. Shout out to their to their distillery and the quality of their bourbon, definitely.

Speaker 1: 49:29

I love that. Thank you, guys for listening to the podcast, as per usual. We'd love it. If you like, comment share. You know, the more people that listen, the better quality the videos will become. Yes, yep. Because we're shifting we're going to eventually, you know, have a youtube and you know social media, all the big things. So the more you share stuff, help us grow, the better off will be yeah. Yeah, thank you so much. Have a good one, cheers, cheers Thanks.